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Can’t Afford a Nursing Home for Aging Parent? Try Plan G!

6 May

From a post on Facebook by Larry Cekander. I don’t know if he is the author of this, but giving him credit. Very clever!


“Medicare – Part G – Nursing Home Plan
Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes!
Is this a great country or what? Now that you have solved your senior financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week!
“IN GOD WE TRUST”

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Holiday Vodka Cake

23 Apr

Every holiday season we are asked to make something special for a family function. Some make cookies, others bake casseroles, and some prepare appetizers. During the hustle and bustle, I suggest you keep things as simple as possible and put your love into this delicious, easy to prepare cake. You can’t mess it up, but if by chance you do, don’t worry . . . you won’t notice.

Vodka Cake

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice

4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle vodka
2 cups dried fruit.
1 Tsp vanilla

Sample a cup of vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the vodka is still okay.

Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time, trying to count it. Mix on the turner.

Did you put vanilla extra track in yet? Oh . . . you drank it when you were testing the vodka? It’s okay, just put rum ererer in. Looks like vaniller.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the vodka.

Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.

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